I had the sweetest tender mercy…
I have been on the edge of melt down through Christmas and the days after. I have pushed and pushed my emotions and feelings down to keep them in check, but the other day, I just couldn’t do it anymore. I lost it…Don was wondering what in the world! (This is not like me at). Anyway, so many things on the “get the house ready for sale” to do list, mission paper work…it was just building up and I exploded. Problem number one…I really love this house, I really really do. I love the feeling of it, l love it when the kids come and I know the kids love it. I am struggling with letting it go, so there’s that! Then add the whole mission thing, which by the way, we have talked about our whole married life…it is that “someday”. Well, someday is happening and in reality, I don’t know if I am ready for that. Do you feel the reason for my bubbling eruption. It just feels like so much and so fast, I am so out of control of my life and it brings on panic.
After a good long cry and a 2 hour nap, I felt better able to cope…
The next morning at the gym, I listened to a talk by Anthony Sweat from a Time Out For Woman…It was called, Patterns for His Presence. Let me explain the tender mercy part…He read the few short verses Matt 19:16-22
16 ¶ And, behold, one came and said unto him, Good Master, what good thing shall I do, that I may have eternal life?
17 And he said unto him, Why callest thou me good? there is none good but one, that is, God: but if thou wilt enter into life, keep the commandments.
18 He saith unto him, Which? Jesus said, Thou shalt do no murder, Thou shalt not commit adultery, Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not bear false witness,
19 Honour thy father and thy mother: and, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
20 The young man saith unto him, All these things have I kept from my youth up: what lack I yet?
21 Jesus said unto him, If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come and follow me.
22 But when the young man heard that saying, he went away sorrowful: for he had great
These are the insights:
This young man came seeking…What lack I yet? I don’t know if you have ever prayed that before, but its scary because you don’t know what might become of that. I have been praying that for at least two weeks with nothing but silence to follow the question…surely there is something!!!!
Then Jesus said to this young man, “Go and sell that thou hast” and this young man went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions.
The lesson from the Holy Ghost to Becky Corbett was YOU ARE THIS YOUNG MAN. You have lived the gospel your whole life and have been obedient. Now you are needing to sacrifice some things ie. my house that I love with all my heart, moving away from my children and my life as I now it. You are struggling to let go of something that are Gods from the beginning anyway. (Doctrine and Covenants 104:14-15)
14. I, the Lord, stretched out the heavens, and built the earth, my very handiwork; and all things therein are mine.
15 And it is my purpose to provide for my saints, for all things are mine.
You have only been the steward and now you need to give it back. You aren’t willingly giving it up. Then came more lesson, once you have been obedient and have willingly sacrificed, you consecrate , dedicate it to the Lord. Can you do that Becky?
I knew that the Savior was aware of me in that moment and was teaching me in the sweetest and most loving way…My answer was and is, “Yes Lord, I will be obedient and sacrifice all that I have and give it to thee”. Whatever that looks like, I am all in.
I can’t pretend that there won’t be moments of doubt and questions, but I have this experience to keep going over to remind me that I can do hard things.